After the Ceremony, Jonas didn't get his assignment:
Dear diary !
Today was the day on which everybody from my hole class got his or her assignment.
The chief leader started with number one, went on with number two and so on. When number four had to go to the stage , I got a little bit excited because it was my best friend Asher.I'm very excited to know which assignment would be given to him because I don't really know which assignment would be fit to him.
The chief leader started talking about Ashers childhood and his mistakes in his childhood before she has given Asher the assignment as Assistant Director of Recreation and of course finally she said ,"thank you for your childhood", to Asher.
She went on with the other numbers and when she arrived at Fiona (number 18 , I'm number 19 ) I got more excited: Only one person and than I would get my assignment but she skipped me.Pierre (Number 20) went to the stage and got his assignment and so the hole day went on.I askes myself why she skipped me? Im very depressed about it because how will my parents react? What will Lily say to her big brother?Are my parents angry with me?
What have I done wrong?
"I'm very excited to know which assignment would be given to him because I don't really know which assignment would be fit to him."
AntwortenLöschenI think you have to use the past tense there. The rest of the entry is good, because you didn't sum up the content of the chapter too long and you reproduced Jonas' thoughts realistically.
I totally agree with Franziska. Well done. The diary entry from Jonas' POV is quite realistic. I was actually wondering whether your idea not to include too many feelings fits the concept of pills against stirrings... well done!
AntwortenLöschenPS: check the difference between "whole" and "hole".
-no "be" in front of (to) fit.
-use apostrophes to mark the genitive. (Asher's childhood)
-as Franzi said, check for the use of tenses.